Rumors: 12.2008

Don't take this the wrong way, but 2008, it's really not working between us.

I think it's time we both recognized this for what it is, and plan to part ways at month's end.

Don't get me wrong, 2008, there were some good times, but overall you really kicked the shit out of me and my friends. You blew up our housing market and my friends lost their houses or are still struggling to maintain their astronomical mortgage interest rates, you brought me to my knees this spring with unrelenting blow after blow. The economy crumbled in August and you achieved $4 a gallon. You bailed out the financial sector AND the auto industry with my tax dollars and you cursed us with the iPhone 2.0, a phone everyone bought but can't make calls on. You took Kimmy and Brandi. You almost took Lynn.

Wtf, 2008?

It's not that I can't see the bright side, 2008. After all, you DID wire Ann Coulter's jaw shut and crushed the Patriots in the Superbowl. You brought back Popstars and Rockstars, (the most over-promoted and under-attended event in the history of The Fabulous Five.) I got to swim with baby dolphins and wandered aimlessly around Mexico, Tahoe and Hawaii and Italy (lest we forget why I was there...) You brought us Shade Day Parties and Grand Theft Auto IV and another season of Weeds. You brought Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley together.

But seriously 2008, looking back at how you treated me on a daily basis over the last year: you can suck it.

I can't wait to roll around naked with 2009 and take 2009 to the places we used to go. I'm going to read your letters outloud and laugh at you, 2008. I'm going to make sweet, passionate, tequila-induced love to 2009 at 12:01 a.m. on January 1st and prepare a 9 a.m. breakfast like a mother fucker in your old jeans, 2008.

The best part about my new relationship with 2009 is that you won't be there, 2008. I'd say you'll be remembered fondly but let's face it, I'm a shitty liar.

PT

This is the section of the email where I'd usually plug some KILLER New Year's Eve party, but this year we're taking the night off. I haven't heard one whisper of a NYE party, and am certaily not planning one. So I invite you to get something together and invite the usual DJ suspects to enjoy the best of your iTunes and give us a well deserved NYE night off.

I wanted to thank each and every one of you for your continued support of the scene, the art, the debacles and most of all for your continued support of me. After six years, I can't believe you guys still want to haul your asses around the city, state and into Mexico just to hear some bleepy bloopies. Big love for another year of yummy awesomeness to our usual suspects. As one I am useless, together we make awesome shit happen:

Jesse Wright, SammyBliss, Saynt, DJ Wolfie, my partner in Shade and Crime: DivaDanielle, Faith, FatFinger, Melanie Moore, Jokton, Sarah Marie, Petey, Maven, Technique Tuesdays, Blue, the girls of the Popstars photoshoot and the awesomest photographer in the world Dacia Lamb (not to mention her amazing assistants that night), The Orangekids especially Danielle, Darkmatter, Mark Zabala, Ninja Skillz, Pocket, Cody Lee, dErika, Hyjynx, Pyrotec, Helios Jive, The Do Lab, The Broken Staples (especially Peaches), Abundant Sugar, Holly Adams, 40 Foot Jesus and her faithful drummer Chris Penny, and you, you big fat dummyhead. Thanks again for being the silver lining in my 2008.