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Rumors: 08.2008

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22.8.08

A little song I co-wrote and co-produced a long time ago. Sigh.

"If ever there could be a future in you, Life is forgetting, so that's what I'll do...."
/13%20Hey%20Tomorrow%20-%20Zev%20%26%20Tinsley.mp3

15.8.08


14.8.08


Does it make me a bad person that every time I watch this I think "U r doin it Wrong" and start laughing?

http://deadspin.com/5036664/so-this-is-what-it-looks-like-when-your-elbow-decides-to-quit-on-you



13.8.08

Dear Diary:

August 2008
Italy, Santa Croce Cathedral.
iPod: The Hardest Part - Coldplay (On infinite repeat.)

So I'm sitting in a giant cathedral. A few rows behind me and across the aisle a man is sitting with a pained look on his face, deep in thought staring at the alter. I wonder why he's here so early. My only excuse is jetlag; I haven't slept since midnight. Personally I'm not one to feel a whole lot in churches, thou
gh inexplicably cathedrals have historically brought me some strange level of comfort while at the same time making me feel very small. I don't receive any fulfillment in my soul from them, but I think that that's mainly because I don't believe in any "isms" or "anity's".

I've never been any good at prayer, per se, but when in Rome...

Padre nostro che sei nei cieli, sia santificato il tuo nome;
(Dear Father in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name)

Lord, if I'm to be completely honest I'
m only in here because I wanted to hear the sound of my new hand-made Italian leather shoe soles clicking on the marble floor. I wish there was a confessional booth though. I'd video tape the whole thing. Can you imagine? I wouldn't know where to start and am quite confident I'd run out of battery or video tape (or both.)

Me: Mi benedica, padre, perchè ho peccato.
Priest: Da quanto tempo non ti confessi?
Me: Come se dice "since the beginning of time" in Italiano?


Yeah, I doubt it would go well either, Lord. Even if you allow me to skip over the dead bodies, I'm still left with the gay thing, which would lead to all kinds of philosophical arguments I have neither the language skill or patience for. However, Lord, I have many important things to discuss. There's much conflict in the world today. Russia and Georgia, John Edwards and his videographer, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer
, but mostly within myself: please grant me the will to forgive myself for not bringing a Slinky with me to the Belfry of Santa Maria del Fiore. As you know, it's an enormous tower with 414 stairs that go straight up. I was on step 311 when I realized my error in not bringing a Slinky with me. I might never forgive myself.

Also, Lord, thank you for showing me that couture fashion as we know it is not dead, and that there exists, outside of Silverlake, people who do not wear Members Only jackets and vintage converse, and instead, take pride in fine-hand made Italian leather shoes, hair product and Roberto Cavalli sheepskin jackets. I would like to pray for those popping collars during this time of 80s retrospection: Please remind them, your Infinite Grace, that it was a bad idea in 1987 and it's still not a good idea today.

Additionally and most importantly Lord, as we embark further into our meshing of diverse communities, I'd like to pray for the 2008 U.S. women's beach volleyball team. May Your Grace see Kerri Walsh and Misty May to another Gold Medal, but mostly just so the rest of us can watch them fall into each others arms and roll around in the sand again like they did in 2004. Oh, and on that note, dear Lord, good job on Michael Phelps' pectoral muscles. I think I speak for the rest of the modern world when I say "good Lord" every time ESPN shows him in his little swimmer underwear.

And on a very serious note, Lord, I'd like to offer my eternal thanks for my new Rive Gauche hand-made Italian leather shoes and for finding that little store in the alley way behind the Palazzo Vecchio that had those little satin red sneakers. It was like Christmas, dear Lord, but like, so much better.

Oh, e non ci indurre in tentazione, ma liberaci dal Samantha Ronson.

Amen.

12.8.08


5.8.08

So I guess it's like really official.

My life is over.

Not only are Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson like totally inseparable it turns out that there are now wedding rumors floating around. It's not necessarily that I believe this rumor for a [nano] second but really, in all honesty, I'd rather punch Mother Teresa right in the face than admit that Lindsay's in love with a girl DJ that's not me.

A friend said that "she actually does look really happy" but it turns out that I don't care. What I do care about is that Sam Ronson is actually 50, no, 98 percent boy, and that doesn't really count as "dating a girl". Chicks dating chicks who look like boys [is weird and freaks me out] doesn't really count as the good kind of lesbian and if you're dating Rosie O'donnell it doesn't even count at all as dating a human being. I just kinda want to put Sam in the shower, scrub her with a brilo pad and then put tons of product in her hair and makeup on her. Then maybe lock the door from the outside and whisk Lilo off to Ibiza for an afternoon of passionate love making or even sailing and caviar. Because that's what DJs do with their girlfriends, contrary to the popular opinion that we live in our headphones and are constantly scrutinizing the nuances of the French horn's subtle undertones in the genre of deep Latin tribal house and complaining about Paul Oakenfold.

That said, I'd like to point you my new video on youtube.com to see what you may (or may not have if you were there) missed on Saturday night. Holy crap, did Spundae's Localized room go OFF or WHAT?!??!?! Big thanks to everyone over at Spundae / Avalon - most definitely an amazing night and a killer vibe. Thank you SO much for coming out and dancing, I had a freakin' blast.

Watch the video RIGHT NOW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0hZ4Pic2YI

I'd also like to congratulate Cirque Berzerk on an amazing first run. "Beneath" sold out almost every show, had extended weekend performances, were universally loved by the media and generally just kicked ass downtown. Congrats to Kevin and Suzanne and every single one of the performers, crew members and volunteers involved with the show.

In other news...

So I'm flying into Chicago the day after tomorrow on my way to Florence, Italy.

I am not awesome at flying - in fact, I pride myself on being able to function coherently after landing after ingesting several barbiturates before and during flying so that I can cope with the fact that I'm dangling 34,000 feet above the Earth in a metal container going 700 miles per hour (and not driving.)

I am picking up my latest in-flight prescription (Valium) later today. Just now, I saw this:

Tornado spotted and warnings all over the Chicago area tonight, August 4, 2008. Over 200,000 people are currently without power, as reported by Comm Ed, from the high winds and very strong thunderstorms and flooding, a tornado reportedly touched down 15 miles outside of Chicago. Millions take cover from winds of 50 to up to 75 miles per hour and very dangerous thunderstorms. Trees down and high water in streets are causing major taffic delays, especially as fans leave the packed Cubs Game at Wrigley Field. As the sun rises tomorrow, light will shine on significant more damage through Northern illinois and into Indiana.

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-55852

If you ask me if it was pleasant to know you, I tell you now that it was.




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