Rumors: 05.2005

27.5.05

What do Dick Cheney, Alan Keyes, Phyllis Schlafly, and
Randall Terry have in common?

They're all conservatives. They've all campaigned
against homosexuality. And they all are parents of gay
kids.

"Look, I don't have a problem with gay sponges, just as long as those sponges are not allowed to get married."
-Harland Williams

25.5.05

OFFICIAL GNOME TRANSCRIPT:

portertinsley: kiss Baby Morganstern Gnome for me
manic0: i will
manic0: how was last night?
portertinsley: We talked this morning on my way home from *****, jackass
portertinsley: lol
manic0: hahaha
manic0: oh yeah
portertinsley: however, this afternoon ***** calls and goes "************************************************* **** *******!!!!"
portertinsley: durrrrrr
manic0: whut...????
manic0: tell her that's fine
portertinsley: between that comment and ********************during my entire two hour set i'm convinced that’s weirder than Louise Smith.
manic0: if she wants to get
manic0: **************
portertinsley: LOL
portertinsley: Oh man
manic0: yeah safe assumption at this point
portertinsley: *********************
portertinsley: ******
manic0: hahaha
manic0: i'm thinking she probably was
portertinsley: i don't think so...but you're probably right
manic0: now she's going to be *************** ****** **** like paula abdul at the saddle ranch

portertinsley: LOL
portertinsley: oh man

manic0: i am SOOO in love
manic0: it's sick

portertinsley: you are in CRUSH
portertinsley: not love

manic0: he is be hew tiful
manic0: nope
manic0: pretty sure it's love
manic0: crush is where you just want to fuck

portertinsley: no it's not

manic0: fucking doesn't really cross my mind that often

portertinsley: lust is when you just want to fuck

manic0: and he is the perfect male specimen

portertinsley: crush feels like love

manic0: ok
manic0: good

portertinsley: i want a picture

manic0: me too!

portertinsley: hmmm

manic0: i need to get one
manic0: do you have pictures of *********?

portertinsley: no but you know waht she looks like

manic0: i know
manic0: cute little thang

portertinsley: oh oh oh

manic0: DAMN THEM

portertinsley: *swwwoooon*

manic0: for taking the gnomes captive
manic0: with no hope of rescue
manic0: but no promise of security

portertinsley: i told her if she comes to my party this friday night that she'd see me be all shy when people I don't know talk to me and compliment my djing. and she goes "I think you're cute when you're shy"

manic0: we are dolphins in the net

portertinsley: we are tuna caught in the net of romance. helpless, with no oxygen and trapped.

manic0: hahaha

portertinsley: let's see how cute she thinks I am ****** ****** *** * ** ****** *************
manic0: awwwww shit!

portertinsley: LOL

manic0: man
manic0: !
manic0: their lives are about to change
manic0: they can never go back
manic0: might i remind you:
manic0: HE SAID “i'd love to hear back from you. even if you just want to call me a fucking asshole or that you moved on or that you never want to hear from me again...i just want to hear something from you.”
manic0: bwahahaha

portertinsley: lol
portertinsley: Louise Smith Writes: Perhaps I could court you

manic0: HAHAHA

portertinsley: BWAHHAAHAHAH
portertinsley: Louise Smith

manic0: LOUISE SMITH

portertinsley: LOL

manic0: lives on in infamy
manic0: OH MY GOD

portertinsley: FOREVER

manic0: LOUISE SMITH

portertinsley: can I post this thread on my website?
portertinsley: minus me talking about ************************???

manic0: is this weird character who came from the comic of the universal collective pysche

portertinsley: I know man, I know. What the HELL?

manic0: hahaha

portertinsley: I'm posting this.
portertinsley: It's too good not to

manic0: hahaha
manic0: we will get in Trouble again.
manic0: like the gnomes

portertinsley: I'm doing it.

manic0: haha

portertinsley: The gnomes would be proud
portertinsley: and the SupPorters would love it
portertinsley: the life and times of the Gnomes

manic0: hahaha
manic0: !!

portertinsley: I used to talk about my dating life all the time...then I *****************
***********************

********
**********

******************
*******

*********************
and now i don't give a fuck anymore.

manic0: my heart is with louise.
manic0: LOUISE!!!!!

portertinsley: LOL

manic0: AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

portertinsley: lol
portertinsley: LOL
portertinsley: ROFL

manic0: SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOO FUCKED
manic0: LOUISE SMITH.
manic0: xoxox

portertinsley: i think it's funny

manic0: ~*****~

portertinsley: LOL

manic0: what have we done
manic0: if the gnomes were playing darts
manic0: our darts would have landed on the fucking pool table or something
manic0: that's how far from the mark
manic0: who is looking out for the gnomes
manic0: who will guide the course of the gnome darts?

portertinsley: The gnome gods

manic0: oh morgan chesney morganstern gnome is here

portertinsley: Oh please kiss the baby for me

manic0: and i have to tell her the story of louise smith
manic0: i did

portertinsley: Yes you do
portertinsley: everyone needs to know the tale of LS

manic0: ok love

portertinsley: ok love
portertinsley: i am posting this after some edits
portertinsley: to protect the innocent
portertinsley: i do hope that is okay

manic0: hahaha ok

portertinsley: tell baby morganstern i love her more than my own gnome children. wait, she is my gnome child

manic0: hahahaha

portertinsley: alright peas
portertinsley: hey
portertinsley: friday night
portertinsley: blue bongo
portertinsley: me wolfie sammy cade jesse
portertinsley: it's gonna rock ass and ********* will be there too so you can save ******* ******.

portertinsley: wearing a shirt that says "the dj ***** ** *********"

manic0: hahaha

End of Transcript.
The Gnomes have returned.
Be advised.
Plan Accordingly.

17.5.05

I am not a geek.
I am not a geek.
I am not a geek.
I am not a geek.

BUT last night I attended the Microsoft Xbox Launch press conference and afterparty to celebrate the launch of the new console, and I have to say...there is something in that M$FT cool-aid man, because that shit is sexy. No, you heard me right. I just said in public that a video game console is sexy.

Yeah, it is.

YES, IT IS.

I got a first hand look at the box, which is cool like ipod, and then all of the head's of the major gaming companies came out to preview the games for Xbox 360 and holyfuckingshit. I have never seen anything more graphically enthralling in my life.

Now, I am not a gamer, but these pictures and worlds were STUNNING visually. Forget that I haven't played a video game since I was 11 years old, these world's were just amazing.

And then, they brought out the defensive back for the Oakland Raiders to introduce Madden 06 on Xbox 360 and I went nuts. I'm such a huge football fan, and from the bay area. If the niner's can't do it, god bless the raiders if they can. To make matters worse, I was sitting with a bunch of foreign press agents, and they had no idea why I was hooting and hollering at this giant man in a silver and black uniform. Oh they don't know what they are missin'....

So then, after the press conference, The Killers performed and ...and...and...at 11pm, unbeknownst to me, THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS took the stage and rocked it until 1:30am. A private Chemical Bros show for 300 people. Holy shit! I went nuts! A once in a life time opportunity to stand side stage with the world's greatest electronic duo. Amazing.

M$FT spared no expense for this event, and in the end I was super stoked on everything I saw. But I have to go write out 1000 lines of "I am not a geek, I am not a geek, I am not a geek."

Seriously, if anyone ever hears me talk about becoming a gamer, slap me as hard as you can. (But I won't shut up about the Chemical Bros for like, a month.)


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