Rumors: 04.2004

27.4.04

WHOA.

Holy crap, this weekend (is it Tuesday already?) was out of control. We raged so hard, I think I broke something but can't figure out what it was. First off, pics are up at http://djwolfie.com/images/universal04/index.htm for the AWESOME Universal Studios gig -- I was not slotted to be at this event, but when I found out that The Tay was playing there with a new "drop the laundry" number (oh holy crap you have to see it) I had to find a way past security. I had spent my weekend at Xara, in the beautiful desert with some seriously colorful people, played two sets, one daytime glossy groovy sf house and at night something a little more tribal, a little more...delicious to the nighttime vibe. Hmmm...I had fun.

So at Xara on Saturday, I stole Cade's ninja costume and put it in my Xterra. Upon playing a gigantic set (thanks Xara Falls DJs!) at Xara Falls, where the crowd was super appreciative and responsive (to those in Xara Falls, I salute you!) I high tailed it to Universal. I changed into the ninja outfit, put some black shoe polish on my face, strapped a box of records on my back and scaled the giant wall of Universal on Sunday afternoon. I had to single-handedly fight off several Universal guards using Joan Jett moves I got from growing up watching her music videos which involve a lot of hair tossing and kung fu moves utilizing overly-done shoulder pads. After that, which barely took the breath out of me, I tackled UNDERWATER the mechanical shark that had malfunctioned and was trying to eat me while I swam through the lagoon, then took down King Kong using a Jedi Mind Trick and then, like you see in Die Hard movies, dropped down from the Mutaytor stage poles using dental floss as rope (i am SO McGyver)to the decks just in time for the opening. I tagged with Wolfie, who was for some reason not surprised to see me, and the only thing he said about my smeared shoe polish and ninja outfit was "hey how come you're all soaked?"

Seriously though - shout out to Dale who rocks as hard as we do, thanks for introducing your friends to me, the support is always appreciated!!! Thanks to the Xara Falls people - how f-ing cool was that place???? Grass, waterfall and awesome lighting -- made you all look great as you shook your asses to that funky house music! I heard a rumor involving me, Buck, Wolfie, Cloroform, the playa and a gig in Reno in bits and pieces this weekend, so Buck, you're game is up man! I'm on to you! You think you can sneak something like that past me???? Porter's ears are large and her arms reach wide, my friend! Muah ha ha ha.....

On a related note to long arms and ears (what?), did anyone else see those four illegal immigrants made a mad dash through the party sometime around 1am on Saturday? I later heard that after stumbling into our party, not only was the Border Patrol in glo-face paint and playing the bongos as part of the San Diego extension of the Mutaytor, but that Border Patrol helicopter had been painted and taken apart and was now being used as a custom DJ booth with rotating lights, and that the four illegal immigrants were decked out in body lights and "nighttime wigs" from Mutec and were last seen dancing to Rainbow Bright's house remix of the Macarena in Camp Hi? Welcome to America, Amigos!

20.4.04

It's so funny to hear white people talk about black people. Today I was on a conference call with what sounded like 11 or so white men and (2) women. Some were maybe Jewish, or maybe even Italian, but for the most part, it's all white European mother fuckers anyway...who cares. Anyway the POINT is that they were discussing a tour that is currently in Atlanta, GA -- and we were talking about interviews and the press and then someone said, "Who else in the cast is giving interviews? because Atlanta is a big black market....*pause* and an African American market....and a people of other color market, *pause* -- I started laughing SO HARD I had to mute my phone.

Literally cracking up. It's so funny to hear white people talk about people of other races. Growing up in Napa, for some reason that is unclear to me, saying, "He's Mexican" or "Those Mexicans over there" was always just really, really taboo. Why is that??? Who cares? It's not like I was pointing at Asians saying "Those Mexicans." No, they really ARE Mexicans. They are FROM Mexico. What's the big deal? And I get it I get it I get it with "black" vs "African American" because some "Black" people are actually from Jamaica, so technically they wouldn't BE African Americans, would they? No, they would be Jamaican.

But really. Black people that are born in the US for a few generations...can you really call them "African Americans?" Fuck, I'm third generation PRUSSIAN but do you hear me say, "Excuse me, where's the 'of Prussian decent?" on my voter registration ballot? I'm a PRUSSIAN-AMERiCAN."

White people are so lame. So are DJs.

But check out www.blackpeopleloveus.com if you want to read more about this topic.

14.4.04

Pics are up from Yuri's Night at www.djwolfie.com -- here's a sneak peek!
(Is that a Porter Tinsley shirt I spy on Marciia?????)





Yup!



The Digital Assasins...



J Bentley:

13.4.04

Hey kids -
There's a new monthly club with a cool Burner vibe happening in downtown LA on Thursday nights. Parking is good, the atmosphere is intimate and the drinks are cheap. There's also, for the bay area, a great party happening on Friday.

But before I give you details on that, let me tell you a little story about last night at Yuri's Night 2004. Now, this was the 4th annual Yuri's Night. I was asked to spin, which I was floored about and very humbled to be sharing the stage with Compufonic, Jason Bentley from KCRW and Mars (who I was listening to when i was FIRST introduced to electronic music way back when.)

So I practiced a nice groovy set to open the night. Admittedly I was nervous because I knew that all of the people I have been listening to for YEARS were going to be there performing after me. Me? Worry? YES. ha ha ha. But I was trying to be all Fonzie and act all cool when Carlos from Compufonic started setting up beside me as I spun my set. I told him, "dude. you can't stand here. you're making me a nervous wreck." He laughed and was like "you rock!" to which I ignored him and continued to hyperventilate while djing and trying to look as cool as possible.

So I finish my set and Compufonic goes on and they are funking out the dance floor playing some insanely groovin' tunes and I carry on with my evening. Jason Bentley goes on and the place is packed (house music EVERYwhere - inside joke) and around 1 am, I decide it's time to go home because I need to SLEEP. Mars is standing behind Jason, who's spinning in the DJ booth, and my records are against the window overlooking LAX's runway (the Encounter Restaurant is SO COOL) -- I'm already nervous about futzing around in the dj booth while another dj is playing, and it doesn't help that both Jason Bentley and Mars were in the booth. So this little voice in my head decides, "hey, I'm a dj too! I spun on this stage, I can go get my records to leave- no big deal!" I figure I'll just go back there, grab my box and leave quick without getting in anyone's way. Except it was dark. And I had had vinyl handed to me by producers that I had to find and put in my record box. And Wolfie had "done something funny" with my lid and I couldn't find it. And Jason was dancing behind the decks, and Mars had a lot of records. And then I couldn't find my headphones.

"Here Mars, can you hold my water?"
"Sorry Jason, let me just squeeeze behind you..."
"Ouch, sorry Mars, hold this too."

It was like TWISTER -- the DJ edition featuring Porter, Jason and Mars. Vinyl here, headphones here, water here and decks somewhere in the middle or off to the side and sort of intro...verted or subsumed or sub..something. It was all very graceful though. And Mars standing there holding my headphones and water when he was trying to get his first record out. ANYWAY, no one was annoyed (it was just my fear) and they were really cool to me and so I'm feeling really really cool and sort of groovy thinking "yeah! I just played with Jason and Mars! Hell yeah! I am SO COOL! Who's a rockstar DJ now???" And I have my gear and I'm leaving the booth and I'm like, "Yeah, I am a BAD ASS."

And then I FULLY tripped over the table leg on my way out of the dj booth.

* * * * * * * * * * * ** * *

8.4.04

And. And is a very powerful word. It is communicative AND it's suggestive. It alerts one to more information AND it allows for left out additions. AND. Good word.

I realized this after I sent out my last email newsletter AND I forgot to add in the fact that I'll be at the Mutaytor/Wolfie/Lisa Loud show at Arena this Friday night. AND allowed me to send out another letter to ya'll. Anyway.

I'd also like to point out that I love the word "possibility."

Possibility makes you smile. Possibilities make you wonder. Possibilities are very, very good things in these dark times.

I'm staying in town this weekend barring any serious issues arising from my ongoing family emergency in the bay area - I will be at Arena on Friday AND I will be seeing Appogee on Sat night in China town. See www.appogee.com for details...fucking amazing, this guy. His sound feels like me on the inside...truly an incredible, touching performance.

Okay, I've said it before but I'm threatening you all again: Show up to YURI'S NIGHT with some Jujubees and get a Porter Tinsley wife beater shirt. Shirts in stock: "She Lies," "Shave it," and "Porter Tinsley - Now Playing"

Come one come all, as long as you come. Naughty Naughty.

So living on a steady diet of sunflower seeds and latte's has it's privileges. You don't have to drink as much when you go out to get a good buzz on. Why Sunflower seeds you ask? Because they were out of Jujubees.

I am convinced that there is some sort of rampant conspiracy going on here. I don't eat a lot of sweets, but I'm in my car a lot and I have an oral fixation (okay, okay, stop with the laughing) so Jujubees are great for those long drives up the 5, or down the 5 to buddhist monasteries (details on THAT below) because that hard plastic candy stale shell sticks to your teeth and it takes like twenty minutes to get it off using your tongue (using fingers is cheating, but now we're talking about something else entirely) and by the time you reach SF from LA, you've only gone through half of a box. The other plus is that unlike m&m's or skittles, and ESPECIALLY sweethearts, you get more red and grape ones with Jujubees than with any other candy. But everytime I go into a gas station almost, it's like a Jujubees conspiracy.

Have you noticed this? Is it just me?

There ARE no more Jujubees.

I've always wanted a tshirt that is from Wonka's factory. Those yellow shirts? Yeah. But you have to get that info from the back of a Jujubees BOX to send it in. And that's virtually impossible when you can't find Jujubees.

What happened to Jujubees? That stale hard plastic taste/texture? Is it just not popular with the kiddies anymore?

Sigh.

1.4.04

So what to say about tonight? It's roughly 130 am and well...admittedly I'm a little drunk. However, that has nothing to do with the fact that tonight at Oasis, an Argentenian (sp?) DJ rocked my little world - holy crap Wednesday nights are sexual down at Nacional.

Seriously, a room full of latin hotties and some great salsa/latin/house whatever you wanna call it flowing from the sound tubes - I will be back there soon, even though I think I was the only gay person in the room. Sort of like how black people must feel in Orange County (it's funny because it's true, sue me.)

But me and Chrissie were determined to dance. First we hit Hollywood Canteen, which I heard was supposed to be smart Hollywood House Heads...except that they all stayed home and no one was there. After downing a drink, we headed to ...where the hell did we go? Mark Lewis @ um... um...Oasis. I have yet to check out the girl's night there Tuesdays (www.fuse-events.com) but will soon - probably on the same night that all of my ex's decide to go because that's the kind of kharma I have, ha ha ha.

But yah - Nacional on Wednesdays. And I learned that I really do have a disorder when it comes to women...I stood at the bar, waiting to order my drink and this little hottie boombody is next to me (she is the same hottie that gave me a cigarette outside in line) and I say to her, "I tell ya what...you give me cigarettes all night and I'll buy you a drink."

Yeah. That was a ten dollar plus tip couple of cigarettes I bought.

Here I am, trying to NOT flirt or date for six months (adore_glitter YOU are the exception ha ha ha) and what comes flying out of my mouth? Derrrr...I'll buy you a drink if derrrrrr. I should be shot. So, thirty dollars and three cigarettes later I'm on the dance floor having a great time and thinking "wow...it really is this insane disorder I have...spending money on stupid shit just to strike up a conversation." BAH BAH BAH! The gnomes would be upset.

She was hot though. She said, "come find me upstairs, or better yet, I'll give you my cell number."

I'll give you my cell number she said.

I looked right at her and without hesitation stated, "DO NOT give me any contact information for you. You are far too cute."

To which she smiled and blushed like all straights do so that you fall into their trap and said "well, you can come find me."

I avoided her all night like THE PLAGUE.

So dancing was a success, and I'm munching on an El Gran burrito at 2 am...thinking, "fuck am I going to be hungover."

It was worth it. Another successful night of debautchery and mayhem.