Rumors: 03.2004

23.3.04

You know what I hate more than anything?
When you're dialing a number on the phone and you fuck up the like, second to last digit so you have to hang up and start all over again. it's true. It bothers me endlessly and I do it ALL THE TIME.

But it only happens when I'm calling a long distance number I don't know by heart so I have to dial...pause...look at the number...look back and the phone...dial...pause...look back at the number...pause...look at the phone and...FUCK! FUCK! I just fucked up the number, I was supposed to hit 89 not 98. Shit.

Now I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN!

Tell me I'm not alone in this....

20.3.04

Rumor has it that last night me and Wolfie were dancing on a go-go box.
Pics coming soon.

19.3.04

Well, the good news is that I'm eating breakfast. I felt just about like I was going to die this morning when I woke up from dehydration and malnourishment over the last five days. Wow. It's been that long. Nothing much has changed other than I slept 5 whopping hours last night and am slightly more alert today thanks to baby bell gouda, french loaf and some fruit. I think that brings the grand total to 15 hours of sleep since March ... 14. Today would be the 20th. The Serotonins show was a rough one for me last night, it was all I could do to bob my head up and down while holding the bar up.

I have reinforcements driving down from San Francisco - good times calls for good friends - so I'm sure after I get my apartment cleaned up with help today (not supposed to be home alone...ha ha ha see it's funny cuz it's true.)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the overwhelming support from the community - you guys fucking rock. Most of you that have been where I am now have given me oodles of wisdom - especially all of the "well, you can afford more cocaine without a girlfriend" ha ha ha. (See, it's funny cuz it's true...)

Tobias put it best: This last week has felt like I've been repeatedly beaten in the chest with a sack of rigid dead puppies. Not the best feeling in the world. However, because my community has surrounded me with their hugs love and laughs, I can't WAIT for tonight. DJ Wolfie added me onto the line up of the Hangar 1018 show, so I'll be dropping funky beats and tearing it up for you tonight to the best of my sleep deprived ability. See www.djwolfie.com for directions and details.

18.3.04

10 hours of sleep in four days.

Massively hungover.

Starbucks has made an attempt on my life. I'm convinced of this. It might be the sleep deprivation though. I'm in the thick of it, as my former roommate, the all-knowing Jeremy used to say.

Last night was so much fun though. But for some reason, when I woke up this morning, my halo was crooked and the composition had changed from a small circular shape of golden light to a fainter, golder compressed ring comprised of tiny question marks.

Gravity is taking it's toll.

I've been added to the DJ lineup for Friday's Mutaytor show.

I've also been signed to the WORLD FAMOUS YURI'S NIGHT BILL. Details on that coming soon.

9.3.04

By the way, the really cool photoshopped Porter photos in "photos" are done by this really talented party girl I know called Airika - you can find more of her art in and around Los Angeles or at www.cagewoman.com

Pretty rad, huh?

Check out PHOTOS as they are NOW UPDATED!
(thanks Hanzel!)

5.3.04

I still love you, Martha Stewart. And am a proud card carrying member of your fan club.

3.3.04

Gov. Schwarzasnwsjlwhatever changed his views on Gay marriage, or I should say, SPUN it in a way to where he now supports Gay Marriage but not the actions of the rebel San Francisco County. "Rebels"...that makes me smile. Like this is all an episode of Star Wars. Can you see it now? The leaders of the "rebel base" are scurrying to marry same-sex couples and then Gov. Schwartsadklscksljdwhatever/Lt. Sebastian gets on the walkie talkie to President Bush/Darth Vadar (Darth Vader...Ralph Nader? Just saw the similarities to that one...but moving on) and cries, "Dey Ah Moving too Fazt! Der's too many couples now married, I cahn't do anytink about it! I need back up I need back up!"

And there's United States of America's President Bush - draped in a black sheet he ripped from his bed, in house slippers and black socks, boxers, using a 9-iron as a light saber, cruising around the West Wing "CUUUUHAAAA CUUUUUUUUHHAAAAA, Arnold...I am sending troops as we speak to squash the rebel forces in San Francisco. CUUUUUHAAAAA CUUUUUHAAAAAA...."

"Oh tank you meestah Bush, tank you! We'll get them now hoo hooh hooo We ah goin' to PUMP...THEM UP. I am the Govahnatah! I can do anyting now dat I got two propositions passed! I'm dee KING OF THE WOOORRRLD!!!!"

So then Bush sends Empiracal troops to City Hall in San Francisco, where thousands of gays and lesbians have dug a ditch surrounding the building and are only letting bride-bride, groom-groom couples enter, where they are rushed by Bobby Trendy, wearing a fabulous camoflauge hard hat laced with pink, into the office where our hero's sillouette stands with his back to the nervous couples. We hear helicopters and planes over head while outside Larry Flint throws sacks of pills at Rush Limbah in an attempt to distract him from beating down the barrier. It works, and soon Rush is so stoned he forgets where he is. He's last seen making out with the bartender of the Motherlode in West Hollywood.

CUT TO:
Back to the inside of the building, wearing all white like Luke did in Episode 4, our hero turns around. It's CARSON from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and beside him is James Gertzlaff from Boy meets Boy (playing Han Solo). Rounding out the cast is Rosie O'Donnell screaming at the top of her lungs "MARRY THEM! MARRRY THEM NOW!"
Carson tells her, "CHUBAKAH! Calm down!"

Our hero quickly motions for the clerk to draw up the marriage licences. A brick crashes through the window and a wind rushes in - Carson says, "Dammit. Thothe bathdardth! Thith ith going to meth up my hhhhaIIIIRrrrrrr." But in no time, Melissa Etheridge Cables down from the ceiling, followed by the women of The L Word, who for some reason are wearing ninja suits [ed note - ninjas are silent beings and since the show sucks and the cast can't act, they have silent cameos in this Gay Wars Episode 4]. Melissa says, "Sorry I was late, I was shopping at the Home Depot for something romantic." She slings her guitar over her shoulder and starts to play "Come to my Window" loudly while the couples sign the papers and in the nick of time too, because the Academy Awards are about the start and no gay person can resist E! Entertainment's preshow fashion coverage. They all run out of the building through the secret tunnel to The Cafe in Castro, where they set up a large Plasma screen and kick back and have martinis....

Until the next episode.....